The Words We Choose

  Be impeccable with your word. Through the word you express your creative power. It is through the word that you manifest everything.
  ~ Don Miguel Ruiz

There is nothing like traffic to create irritation in mind. Why do we all have to travel at the same time? Would it help to have staggered working hours? I am exhausted and my patience store has almost hit empty. I get home and I notice my irritation building up as I scan the kitchen. The counter was littered with stuff that has a place in the cupboards. I saw the folded clothes still on the living room floor and the trash can from one of the girls' rooms still at the foot of the stairs. UGH!!

I don't like to see clutter as I feel this reflects my state of mind on most occasions. Hmmm... that last sentence was an interesting one... "I don't like to see clutter as I feel this reflects my state of mind..." I think I need to reframe that by saying — I want to organize my environment as a clean, orderly, and tidy space that reflects harmony in me.

Years ago I was talking with someone at an event and she introduced me to some novel ideas that had not occurred to me before. She spoke about the power of our language and using positives rather than negatives. While we were talking, she did something that got me thinking. She said, "I feel like I might be getting sick..." then she stopped herself and reframed that sentence to, "I think I want to attend to my health more diligently."

She started to tell me about the changes she has been continually going through, and one of them being that she was more aware of the language she was using.

Using language to focus on the positives rather than the negatives. Something simple like:

 
• "I feel like I am coming down with a cold." → "I want to give my body more rest and fluids."
 
• "I don't like people who complain." → "I rather be around grateful people."
 
• "I don't want you to yell at me." → "I love it when you talk to me gently."
 
• "I suck at..." → "I have room to improve."

Instead of focusing on what I don't want, how about focusing on what I do want?

 
• "I don't want to be sick." → "I want to embody health."
 
• "I don't want you eating junk food." → "I'd love it if you ate more healthy food of color—crispy fresh veggies and fruits."
 
• "Your room is messy." → "I'd like to see your room more organized."
 
• "I don't want to do that." → "I would like to do this."

Be deliberate about what we are putting our attention to and practice reframing thoughts—whether it is to ourselves or conveying our thoughts to others in language form.

I have a great deal of space for improvement in this idea when it comes to my girls. Sometimes, I get stuck on what I didn't do, or how much time I wasted, or ignorance I've had. I can see that I am governed by my own fears and I forget to be impeccable in my words to the girls—and then once I realize, I forget to be impeccable in my words to myself.

It's hard to break a habit or misguided imprint, but not impossible.

The first thing is to be content that I am actually aware of these aspects of myself because, like anything in life, I can't change something that I'm not aware of.

The second thing would be to just allow that awareness to be. Important to note: noticing these behaviors without judgment, condemnation, or using a harsh tone. Just noticing them is essential—not being too forceful in changing them right away, and giving myself permission and compassion to accept me just as I am FIRST.

I suppose that is also part of this journey: the idea that I should really love myself just as I am, just where I am at this moment. At this very moment, even if I feel fat, chubby, or if I have a messy kitchen, or messy thoughts, and I have aspects to myself that want to sabotage my progress.

I remember and get better. I get better and better at allowing for the pause—thus creating space to improve the way I use words to speak with my mouth and mind. Focusing on what is going right and using loving kindness in my tone. When I can pause, I have space to pivot.

I go back to the breath, back to awareness. I breathe and formulate a positive way to speak—a positive way to model. This does not mean ignoring the negatives. Negatives are not a bad thing, not a thing to do away with—but rather something to see, respect, and use as a springboard toward the positive.

The meditation practice that is encouraged everywhere these days is about this notion of noticing. Being able to sit with myself, allow whatever is going to come up, and noticing these parts of myself without judgment—so that I can disassociate myself from these moving thoughts and emotions.

The very fact that I show up and continue to the best of my ability at the exact given moment is all I can do. And as trite as it may sound, I really want to love myself just as I am at this very moment. NOT wait to love myself when I am thinner, free from vices, or when I am perfect.

I am really proud of myself for last night—allowing myself the space to NOT give in to negative behaviors of coping with aspects of life that are not ideal (like sitting in traffic or coming home to an empty, messy house and feeling tired).

Getting back to my clutter: I do find that when clutter builds up around my surroundings, it is a cause for me to examine what is happening. Am I stretching myself too thin? Am I scheduling too many things? Or am I having low energy? Maybe I am PMSing :)

The clutter is another clue to how I should use self-care. Clutter is not inherently bad or good—but just gives me information about me, and I can choose to use that information to change it.

Let us LOVE ourselves at this exact moment and be ever so grateful that we have this gift, this opportunity, to extend this love to ourselves and hopefully to others—and may the ripples continue on and on and on...